I cannot find my penis.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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