found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize