his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
