He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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