ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the raccoons are back...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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