Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
we should paint friendship bongs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize