Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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