If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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