i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
