eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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