and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
