you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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