dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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