I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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