If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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