i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
