He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
