you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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