the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
