look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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