i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
