I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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