Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
