Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
