This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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