I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
