if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
