My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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