My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
