Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
