chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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