there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I want to fling myself into the sun
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
