Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
