physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize