How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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