I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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