ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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