I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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