Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's never too late to be topless.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
