thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
