seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
