dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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