I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
