We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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