Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize