youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
