don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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