I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
