I wannas sexs uuuuu
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
