it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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