people are starting to question the shark bite story
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
