if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
