someone get that fucking seahorse.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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