Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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