I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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