Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
