hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
