that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
