she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My ATM looks so different sober.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
