I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
