Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
there is puke in my bra ... again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize