it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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