Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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