Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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