I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
