the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
