are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
