You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize