Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
