I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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