I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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