its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
