my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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