So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
