Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
