I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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