Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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