Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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