I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
