youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
