Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
