just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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