WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
