Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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