What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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