Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
