He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
