just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I still have a little drunk in my system
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
