We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
