Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
