It's like God shit irony all over that family
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
