Tell her she can't have a vagina
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
