The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
