i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
