everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
