Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
