Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
