i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize