If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
