we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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