i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
