My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
