I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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