Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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