Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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