If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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