Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize