it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
