Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
