Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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